Prayer for love: what men and women seek?

Woman's Prayer

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who is handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks.
When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed.
When I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, and knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never ever attempt to hit on my friend.
Amen.


A Man's Prayer

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge breasts who owns a liquor store and a boat.
Amen



Source: http://www.avolites.org.uk/jokes/prayer.htm
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How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!

Dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
Employee

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear Emplyee

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed.

You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United State s may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
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Expressions for impressions

My love life is a big mess!
An ex-boyfriend called me yesterday again. We were 2 years ago for a couple of months together, we actually never break up. I just stopped meeting him - there were no specific reasons; I just lost sexual attraction toward him. He is a good boy – patient, well-balanced, he’s got big biceps ;) I have no explanation why I don’t want him back in my life!?!

Few weeks ago I visited a concert of Madonna in the city where I live. There I met a guy who was holding binoculars. Haha :-) Somehow I had a very free behaviour with him and often looked the scene through the binoculars. At the end of the concert we exchanged our phone numbers. I was so excited about the show that I couldn’t remember his name… He called me on the next day to arrange a meeting. Since I was packing my cloths for my summer vacation in Turkey I had no time to meet him. I promised to call him in one week, but actually I called him 10 days later.

I hardly tried to remember his name but unfortunatelly I couldn’t. So that’s why I entered his name in my phone as “Madonna” hahhaha :LOL So yesterday I called “Madonna” and we spoke. Then he called me back and we arrange our first date!


I’m very confused with all my experience, all the things I know, felt, suffered, and desired. Last year I arrived at the conclusion I can not toy well with men /maybe I’m wrong/. I fell into deep thoughts about what I’m doing wrong, how I’m attracting men, what kind of men I’m attracting and other things like that. I meet new guys, have fun to speak with them but I really can not find a man to give him all my love. WHY?
I accidentally found the book “Catch Him and Keep Him” by Christian Carter. I’m still reading it… This morning I read the following paragraph (page 112 from the book)

“...You don’t need to express all your thoughts, feelings and ideas about a topic on the spot, especially if you’re feeling really emotional about the topic. Wait and be patient, and do it when the time is right. Don’t be in a hurry when you’re in tough situations with a man—patience is wisdom and it will help you get what you want...”

How to know when the time is right? How to identify players and guys they are ready to settle down? “To be patient” means for me “a need of time”… Why do men need time? What are they considering? How to know when and how to push the fire-button on a man? Do all the men have the same buttons?


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Is this LOVE

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It's Monday, go to work!

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What your twitter friends are really saying?

Are you addicted to Twitter, facebook, chating and other social networks? Do you know how to express your feelings and opinions by 140 characters?
Here we describe the meanings of the most important abbreviations used in modern slang. But please – do NOT use slang in English test! :lol


10Q thank you
1NAM One in a Million
2DA today
4OJ 4th of July
AA ask about
AAF as a friend
AAK asleep at the keyboard
AAM all about me
AFK away from keyboard
ASAP as soon as possible
ASL age, sex, location
b4 before
B4N bye for now
BFF best friend forever
BRB be right back
BSU bless you
BTW by the way
cuz/coz because
CYA See Ya
DC disconnected
DFK deep French kiss

EOM end of message
FB facebook
FF follow friday
FUCK Friends University of Central Kansas :lol
FYI for your information
GL get lost
gr8 great
HDU how dare you
HS High school / high speed
IFLML I fucking love my life
IMHO in my humble opinion
IMO in my opinion
ISO I’m still online
IT I think
IWY I want you
J4F just for fun
JK just kidding
KISS keep it short and simple
KUL cool
L8R later
LDOC last day of class
LMAO laughing my ass off
LMFAO laughing my fat ass off
LOL laughing out loud
LOVE loss of valuable energy
MILF mom I’d like to fuck
NGL not gonna lie
OMG Oh My God
OMV on my move
PML Pissing Myself Laughing
PPL people
ROFL Rolling On Floor Laughing
RT retweet
SOML story of my life
STMU shut your mouth up
T2YL talk to you later
thx thanks
TTYL talk to you later
TTYN talk to you never
u you
w8 wait
WTF what the fuck

Any other suggestions?
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To the Moon and Back

Awesome pictures!












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Men in ads of my dreams

Let’s face it girls!
We are tired to look thin ladies on ads all around us! All the same positions, all the same beauty, all the same products, all the same spots… Yes, we ladies – we are very beautiful and gentle, female models provoke the mass to buy female products but...
I’m tired of advertising! I do not want to buy something just because a smiling woman tells it’s good for my skin, the fragrance is fascinating and so on.
Modern ladies are independent and powerful. We earn enough money, we are free to make decisions, don’t need permissions, we have own prerogatives, we live in one new age where we are the pioneers!
Let’s dream for a second these hot men want to sell us products! Would you buy a shower gel, fragrance, bikini, swimsuits etc.?





#1 Do you need a wet lady telling you how good is the new shower gel... Noooo This guy tells more /my favorite indeed/



#2 You need a sun care lotion? This wet man is available 24/7 to smear it over your back!




#3 No doubt! This guy would sell me all the cleanup mops & brushes, cleanup materials, cleanup liquids with and without foam...



#4 Looking for new bed sheets? Can you tell NO to this sweet perfect little shy boy?



#5 Just scream DENIM and this one is already running behind you to sell jeans ;)


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The Einstein Quiz

Einstein said that 98% of people in the world cannot solve the following puzzle. Take a pen & paper and try solving it! Here is the Einstein Quiz:
Facts:
1. There are 5 houses in 5 different colors.
2. In each house lives a person with a different nationality.
3. These 5 owners drink a certain beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar and keep a certain pet.
4. No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar or drink the same drink.
5. Hints:
>>> The Brit lives in a red house.
>>> The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
>>> The Dane drinks tea.
>>> The green house is on the left of the white house.
>>> The green house owner drinks coffee.
>>> The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
>>> The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
>>> The man living in the house right in the centre drinks milk.
>>> The Norwegian lives in the first house.
>>> The man who smokes Blend lives next to the one who keeps cats.
>>> The man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
>>> The owner who smokes Blue Master drinks beer.
>>> The German smokes Prince.
>>> The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
>>> The man who smokes Blend has a neighbor who drinks water.

Question: Can you determine WHO KEEPS FISH?

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